i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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