NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
