I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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