Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
