i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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