I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
