There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
