FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
