Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
