if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
