Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
