dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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