Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
In America we eat man semen.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
