We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
