So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That accounts for only three of the penises
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
