My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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