So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize