I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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