i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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