There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
