just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
