New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
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