I think im going to throw up on grandma
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
