I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize