I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
