the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
