Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
