Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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