The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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