He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
