Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
