Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
