I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
