I accidentally had phone sex last night
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
