what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
