My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize