I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
