fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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