I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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