so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
