Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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