I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we made out on top of his cat.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
