I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
