Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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