I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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