You're my little dorito
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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