My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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