I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize