if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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