I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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