i would punch a child for taco bell
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
