Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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