Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
