...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
