Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
