I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
