I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
