I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
