3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Did I show you my penis last night?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
why is half of my head shaved?
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