I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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