I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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