I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
