She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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