oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
