Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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