I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
