...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Randomize
